Why Do We Lose Friends on a Fitness Journey?

It fucking sucks. I was definitely not spared the heartbreak of losing close friends while on this journey.

Even our Best Friends, the ones we like to think of as our Ride or Die can fall off the map when you embark on a fitness or wellness journey.

It starts small too, with little things. First it's a few missed calls or unanswered texts. Your friend might tell you they were sick, or so busy they didn't even notice you tried to reach them. Then it turns into missed important events- birthdays, things you normally would share together or exciting news that you couldn't wait to share with them, and they're lackluster in their response. Suddenly they ghost you for four whole months and the whole time you're wondering "What happened? Did I do something wrong, hurt them somehow?" And you begin to rewind and replay all the events over the last few months and what you could've done to cause your Bestie to suddenly stop responding to you.

And it hurts. It hurts so freaking much it's like losing a lover, like losing part of yourself.

That's not even the worst of it either though. They might pop back in, making some excuse like "I didn't realize my notifications were off!" On the one app you guys communicate on, and then you hang out for ONE DAY and you're so fucking excited to have your friend back, you think everything is going to be okay.

But it isn't. You just got gaslit. They'll go ghost again for a few months and you'll keep telling yourself that they're just at a really busy season in their life and you'll find each other eventually.

You won't. It will continue this way, and you'll shed some tears. You'll get angry, and your justice trigger is flipped so aggressively that you can't do anything but feel abandoned, betrayed, and heartbroken and you'll wish for someone to turn to- and have no one who gets it.

I'm kind of there right now, honestly. I'm a lot there right now. I've lost a lot of friends this year, but the one person I didn't think I would lose, I'm pretty sure I have. Like 98% sure. There are a million reasons why I'm sure, but I'm just left with my heart in my stomach and tears in my eyes, a dumbbell in my hand hoping I can make it stop hurting. I don't know why she won't talk to me. I don't know why she doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I might never know.

So if you're one of those who has lost someone on their fitness journey, or had a relationship or friendship fall apart because you outgrew each other- I'm sending you all the hugs you need. We'll get through it, find our people again, and be okay.

I won't let myself fall back into Nesta, I won't let myself stay angry and spitting venom at everyone around me again. I won't backtrack like that. I deserve better than that.