Fulfilling the Inner Child
When you were five, what did you want to be when you grew up?
When I was five, I didn’t understand why the princesses in the movies and stories I was given always waited for someone else to come save them. When I was five, I already had the concept of being your own Hero intrinsically woven into my personality. Why didn’t the princess gouge out the eyes of her captor? Why is it always a Prince who saves the day? Why not her mom or dad? Her family? Don’t they care?
Without ripping into the psychology of showcasing the damsel in distress in the lives of little girls globally, which is an entire can of worms on it’s own, I just want to announce that I am here for every little girl and woman who never identified with the helplessness. Every stubborn, strong, bossy, loud, bold little girl out there- I was you. I’m still you, I’m just all grown up now, and I’m still not out here acting like that helpless pretty in pink frilly girl that I was shown over and over again my whole childhood.
Don’t get me wrong, we all have our low points in our lives, and I’ve definitely encountered points in my life where I was pretty damn sure that I wasn’t coming out on top, where I didn’t think I’d have anything good for me by the end of it. I’ve had low lows and moments where I was completely lost and alone and like all I needed was someone to make it freaking right because I wasn’t able.
And after a good cry, I washed my face, fixed my ponytail, and got my own self up off the floor and did something about it.
When I was five years old, the only thing I really wanted was to be in charge of my own life. Even at that young age, I rebuked the notion that someone else had to save me, that I would be subservient to any other person in the world, let alone my parents, or a man some day. I wanted to be the warrior, the lost princess turned Queen who fought for her people, or her kingdom, and was the ultimate underdog. The unexpected winner. My dreams as a five year old were just as fantastical as anyone else’s, but I always felt like mine were special because I was going against the Status Quo that was presented to me: that little girls and women were weak and would always need someone else to swoop in and solve their problems.
In a way, I’m living out that dream that my little five year old self had, every day when I hit the mat and train. I am the underdog of my own timeline: a 30 something mom in the Midwestern US, recovering from the pandemic losses and financial hardships of my generation, raising three kids and trying to build a better future for all of us. The odds always feel like they’re stacked against me, whether it’s my hormones, or someone gets a cold and shuts the whole house down, or the cost of groceries went up again, or the car broke down, I’m always fighting.
In the last few months, I’ve turned my entire dumpster fire of a life upside down on it’s head. I dumped everything out, picked through it, and threw out a lot of old habits and bad programming that I picked up along this life journey. I completely changed the trajectory of my life, I chose a career, I put myself through school for it, and I’m literally days away from completing my final exam and becoming certified as a Personal Trainer. A Professional Valkyrie.
I’ve somehow managed to become exactly the person I wanted to be, when I was five years old.
Comments